when I am president....................
There are a few things that I am going to make a law when I am president, queen or whatever gives me the power to do these things......
1. Tacky sparkly christmas sweaters will be illegal;
2. Any and all price stickets on products will be easily removable or the manufacturer will go to jail;
3. Women and men who have bathed in cheap smelly perfume/aftershave will be immediately sent to a shower and all of the offending material will be confiscated;
4. People who are obviously not handicapped and are using the handicapped parking space will have their knees broken so that now they are handicapped;
5. Bald men with comb overs will be immediately taken to a barber where the comb over will be removed;
6. Stretch pants of any variety will be put into a large burn pile and torched;
7. Advertising of men's underwear where it is obvious that there is a sock stuck into the front of the underpants and the man is smiling because he thinks this makes him look like he has a big dick will be banned;
8. People who own animals and do not property take care of them will not only have the animal taken away and given to a good home but the owner will have to do community service in an animal shelter for the rest of his/her life;
9. People who leave christmas lights on their houses all year will simply be electrocuted;
10. It will be illegal to leave garage sales signs/political signs up after the garage sale/voting is over. The offenders will be fined $1000.00 for each day it is left up after the event is over.
Ok, that's enough for now......until I think of more. Are there any you would like for me to inact when I become ruler of the world?
1. Tacky sparkly christmas sweaters will be illegal;
2. Any and all price stickets on products will be easily removable or the manufacturer will go to jail;
3. Women and men who have bathed in cheap smelly perfume/aftershave will be immediately sent to a shower and all of the offending material will be confiscated;
4. People who are obviously not handicapped and are using the handicapped parking space will have their knees broken so that now they are handicapped;
5. Bald men with comb overs will be immediately taken to a barber where the comb over will be removed;
6. Stretch pants of any variety will be put into a large burn pile and torched;
7. Advertising of men's underwear where it is obvious that there is a sock stuck into the front of the underpants and the man is smiling because he thinks this makes him look like he has a big dick will be banned;
8. People who own animals and do not property take care of them will not only have the animal taken away and given to a good home but the owner will have to do community service in an animal shelter for the rest of his/her life;
9. People who leave christmas lights on their houses all year will simply be electrocuted;
10. It will be illegal to leave garage sales signs/political signs up after the garage sale/voting is over. The offenders will be fined $1000.00 for each day it is left up after the event is over.
Ok, that's enough for now......until I think of more. Are there any you would like for me to inact when I become ruler of the world?
posted by Zardo and Odraz @ 9:01 AM
5 Comments:
At 10:32 AM,
Ricë said…
i LOVE these and agree heartily with all of them EXCEPT the one about christmas lights. oh, i agree about the obvious ones--the multi-colored big ones--but please-oh-please can i keep the strings and strings of tiny twinkly white lights that are all over my porch, my patio, and most rooms in my house? i swear i didn't put them up for christmas! please?
At 4:30 PM,
Zardo and Odraz said…
Oh yes, the tiny twinkly ones are not those obnoxious christmas lights. The twinkly ones should be up everywhere. They make people smile and they are beautiful. I have them on the front porch, through the trees in the back yard and all over the barn up in the back. Those can stay up all year long.....but those multi-colored big ones have got to go as of the first of the year.
At 1:54 PM,
Lori S-C said…
Oh my goodness, Dawn, you have me laughing so loud. Especially because of this one:
Advertising of men's underwear where it is obvious that there is a sock stuck into the front of the underpants and the man is smiling because he thinks this makes him look like he has a big dick will be banned.
Going to take down the lights tomorrow....
Happy New Year, and thanks for giving me a great laugh!
At 2:44 PM,
LizP said…
I would vote for you! I would like to add another to your list ... People who drive normal cars and take up 2 parking spaces should be towed immediately.
I found your blog through one of Rice's yahoo groups. I had two friends who lived in SM for a number of years.
At 7:18 AM,
Zardo and Odraz said…
YES!! I shall put that on the list of new laws when I am queen/ruler of the world. Taking up two parking places will be illegal....should be now. I want to make up fake tickets that I can slip under their wipers that tells them what an ass they are for doing these stupid things.
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